We live in a society where we are frequently encouraged to compete. To be better. To be more. We long to contribute something meaningful, make the most of our lives, and stand out from the crowd. We strive to be special while overlooking contentment.
What if we didn’t? What if we didn’t climb the corporate ladder? Or keep up with the Joneses? What if we didn’t define our worth by status or by comparisons to others?
The Value of Drive (Tapas)
Competition is not necessarily bad. Setting goals, and working to achieve them, can give our lives more depth and help us grow. We need drive to reach those goals, and to overcome life’s challenges, and that drive can sometimes come from a bit of competition.
If we put this into yogic terms, we can think of this drive, or passion to succeed, as tapas. In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali explores the value of tapas, while also explaining the need to balance tapas (drive) with santosa (contentment).
The Value of Contentment (Santosa)
Our society is good at encouraging us to push harder and strive for more, but it’s not as adept at appreciating the value of contentment. We are so concerned with what we think we should achieve that we forget to appreciate what we have already achieved.
In other words, we are so concerned with who we think we should be that we forget to value who we already are.
Yet we already have value. We do not have to prove ourselves to others to be special. We do not have to prove ourselves to ourselves to be special. We are already special. Exactly the way we already are.
We deserve to live in this world. We deserve to be happy.
When Tapas Takes Over
If we are constantly encouraged to compete—without taking time for contentment—we will burn out. We achieve a goal, then move on to the next one without taking the time to appreciate the rewards of the goal we just achieved. We may not even notice that we reached a goal, because we’ve already moved the bar a bit higher.
We set impossible goals with moving targets, and we dismiss our success. What’s worse, this constant push to do more is self-sabotage. Without nurturing our contentment, we have no confidence to feed our drive. Without nurturing our contentment, we feed our self-doubt.
The Cycle of Self-Doubt
Self-doubt is part of human nature. In small amounts, it can hamper our confidence just enough to keep us from being reckless—and that can be a good thing. Yet when self-doubt becomes overdeveloped, it stops being useful. Instead of being a tool to encourage caution, it becomes a wrecking ball that tears down our confidence.
When we do not nurture feelings of contentment with ourselves, the way we already are, we give more strength to our thoughts of self-doubt. We then feel less content and less aware of our successes. The less success we see, the more self-doubt we feel. And the cycle continues.
Overdeveloped self-doubt is powerful. It undermines our contentment, and it dampens our drive as well. That holds us back from reaching our dreams and, given time, can keep us from dreaming at all.
Breaking the Cycle to Find Balance
When it comes to self-doubt, the biggest challenge may be to believe one basic idea: Self-doubt is not truth.
This can be very hard to accept. Self-doubt feels true. It seems to be based on experience. Yet self-doubt is based on fear. It feeds on negative experiences. It doesn’t notice the positive experiences, our successes, or the value we inherently have.
Self-doubt is loud, but that does not make it true. So what do we do?
It may seem like reaching a huge goal would lessen self-doubt and build our confidence. But it doesn’t work that way. First, we need to nurture contentment. We can overcome self-doubt by appreciating ourselves where we are and how we are, right here and right now.
Considering the relationship between drive and contentment (tapas and santosa), you may see how one feeds the other to create balance. That balance may make it easier to achieve goals, build confidence, and lessen self-doubt.
You can build that balance one step at a time.
Begin with contentment. Notice one thing that you appreciate about yourself each day. Begin setting aside some time, perhaps during a yoga class or when meditating, to practice self-acceptance.
With time and practice, you may be amazed by the true value contentment can bring.
Note: this post was originally published on my old yoga blog, Dancing Frog Yoga, on 5/01/2017.