I Am, Therefore I Think?

I’ve been on a philosophical kick lately, mainly existential. I’m wading through Being and Nothingness now and probably will be for some time. It’s a weighty read, not only because of the special terminology and constant references to other philosopher’s works (some familiar, others not so much), but because it sends my mind spinning in different directions (which may or may not be correct interpretations of the text).

Take Sartre’s fundamental position of the pre-reflective cogito as the primary consciousness. That is an idea I’ve wondered about for a long time (though not in those words). Descartes may have said “I think, therefore I am”, but who is the I having the thought?

The way I understand it, Descartes’ cogito is based on the recognition of thought about oneself, i.e. if I doubt my existence, I must exist to be able to have that doubt. However, that is using an awareness of the thought (or doubt) to prove self-existence. So what is that awareness?

This is the thought behind Sartre’s pre-reflective cogito. In other words, there are two things happening within the thinking behind “I think, therefore I am”. While the awareness of the thought is the I (or Ego), the thought itself is the actual primary consciousness (pre-reflective cogito) and happens idependent of an I.

As I type, there is consciousness of the computer in front of me (pre-reflective). I can experience the computer through my senses, such as sight and touch. However, that consciousness of the computer has nothing to do with I or me until I reflect on my own awareness of the computer. It is only when I become conscious of my own awareness of the computer (reflective) that I comes into being.

So what does that matter? Well, for one, a pre-reflective cogito creates an argument against solipsism (the idea that only one’s own self can be proven to exist). It does this by defining the I (or Ego) as an object instead of as the subject. Therefore, the pre-reflective cogito is conscious of the Ego in the same way that it is conscious of other objects (e.g. the computer, a chair, a tree).

In George Orwell’s 1984 (one of my all time favorite books), the protagonist, Winston, is ultimately struggling against solipsism. The Party has gained complete power over the people by distorting reality and enforcing belief in whatever reality they dictate. To hold these beliefs, one must practice doublethink, which is the ability to believe two contradictory truths at the same time. Those who have thoughts that go against the party are arrested for thoughtcrime.

As O’Brien tells Winston, “We control matter because we control the mind. Reality is inside the skull.” (Though O’Brien denies that this is solipsism, but rather collective solipsism which he asserts is a different thing.)

During Winston’s reeducation, we see how the concept of reality, and what constitutes reality, can become a slippery subject, especially as Winston struggles to understand O’Brien‘s actual experiences (or thoughts) as opposed to his own. He can not be certain whether O’Brien is lying to him or whether he actually believes the contradictory truths that he asserts. That is the idea – the questioning of reality as experienced outside of his own mind – that Winston cannot overcome.

But, back to the question of why any of this matters. Maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it’s all pointless speculation. Or maybe it means everything and is a glimpse at the “truth” behind all of our perceptions.

For me, these are just the thoughts that rattle around in my brain as I go about my day. I am, therefore I think.

I Heart Eddie Izzard

I went to see Eddie Izzard last night and had a momentary realization of what it feels like to be a groupie. Watching him strut around the stage, listening to him talk with that sexy accent (yes, I’m a sucker for a British accent, okay, for most accents), I had an overwhelming desire to meet him backstage. Not so much for where your mind may be going, but to hijack him off to the nearest bar and sit up talking the rest of the night.

He’s that kind of guy – at least from what he shows on stage – the kind of charismatic guy you could see yourself sitting up with at 3am discussing how the Tuolumne salmon’s high risk for extinction may ultimately impact man’s ability to discover new planets in other solar systems.

It’s strange to look around a crowded concert hall and realize that all these people are gathered to see one man. To hear one man postulate and poke fun. To laugh until their cheek bones hurt from over-smiling and their ears ache from straining to hear every word through the riotous applause.

It’s inspiring and humbling, poignant and frivolous, compelling and trivial. It’s bloody brilliant.


A quick picture that went wrong and then a little right. Not perfect, but that’s life.

I recently painted one of my bathrooms a deep, bold blue. Daring Indigo. (don’t you love the names of paint colors?) It’s a half-bath and I was a little worried about using it in a such a small space, but it looks good against the porcelain, the new faucet, and the mirror.

I snapped a picture to show the mirror and sink against the deep blue, but I was in a hurry and ended up with a lot of glare and weird reflections. I was going to trash it and try again, but I kind of liked the result. Sort of trippy, pinkish hues and blown out glare.

Cropping and playing around with the saturation brought some interesting results… I like the feel of losing color on the reflection, while over saturating the rest. It somehow seemed fitting. The world being busy, bright, and harsh. A little crooked and unsettling. While self-reflection is dim and quiet, stark in comparison. But maybe that’s just me.

While it wasn’t the original intent, I kind of like it. I’m tempted to try again and plan for this outcome, but a staged shot with this intent may just frustrate me. So, I’ll let it stand as is.